What's Eating You

Have you ever been in a resto or shop and you can't help overhearing a couple arguing.

"You are always late!" she yells at him, "you were even late being born! You are late at everything that's why everyone else got promoted but not you!"
"But this time it wasn't my fault.."he begins to explain, but she cuts in. "Its never your fault!Always blaming someone else! That's you! That's you all over! You've never taken responsibility for anything in your whole life!Ever! You are just useless! Useless! Useless man!Sha!"

You try not to show you are interested in the conversation, but you are intrigued to find out what's going on. Then you notice your friends you came with all staring at you, you stare back with "what?!" written all over your face. "You need to pay!" they say in unison, "and its bad manners to eavesdrop on other people's conversation." You know they are right, you pay the cashier and accept their criticism gracefully.

Last saturday our discussion was on criticism, we've all been criticised and/or criticised others at some point. The examples above illustrate two very different approaches to criticism. Often when the heat is on criticism is like fuel to the fire, the scriptures say .... a harsh word stirs up wrath, but a gentle answer averts anger.

Criticism can come from people who genuinely love and care for us, but it can also come from those who are overflowing with spite, anger or jealousy. When criticism comes from a loved one it does not make it any easier to handle. We often feel hurt and sometimes contempt for the one who criticises us. We need wisdom and grace to go beyond the hurt and where the criticism is true and valid, acknowledge our fault and make changes. Where there is no truth in the criticism, we need grace to affirm the truth we know from God's word.

There are also instances where we may have to criticise others, the scripture says, rebuke a wise man and he will love you, and also, blows from a friend can be trusted, and again, if your brother sins, rebuke him, if he repents forgive him. Some people call it tough love, and there is always a danger of hurting feelings and damaging relationships.

Before you criticise another person remember, praise is more effective than criticism, have you praised them for the good things they've done? When you must criticise another, remember that the measure you give, is the measure that will be given to you; think of how the other person will receive what you are saying.

Some principles to bear in mind when you have to criticise include:

• Be firm and bold


• Affirm all the that is good about the person or what they did


• Be accurate and honest


• Know the facts and focus on the issue


• Be gentle after being firm (give an example where you have messed up too)


• Speak words that reflect Christ and not your own ideas or righteous check list.

To quote from a recent devotional:

"Grace doesn't give anyone a licence to live as they please. But the 'judgmentalism' that comes from insisting that others live by our standards has caused untold damage. A well-known preacher writes, 'Legalism spreads a paralysing venom...blinds our eyes, dulls our edge and arouses pride in our heart...Love is overshadowed by a mental clipboard with a long check-list...requiring others to measure up...Soon friendship is fractured by a judgmental attitude and a critical look.'

"Think you're not guilty? Observe your initial reaction when you meet another believer who doesn't think, act, or dress the way you do. Even when you think you're sophisticated enough to disguise your real feelings they come out in the stony stare and the holier-than-thou attitude.

Jesus said, 'Never criticise...or it will all come back on you' (Luke 6:37 TLB). When you throw mud you don't just get your hands dirty, you lose ground! 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first (John 8:7 NKJ). Blowing another person's light out won't make yours shine brighter.

Paul writes: 'If a...relationship with God could come by rule-keeping...Christ died unnecessarily.' You say, 'But what if someone is getting off track or deliberately sinning?' Paul answers, 'If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted' (Galatians 6:1 NIV). When you judge others you're in danger of nullifying the grace you may need yourself before the day is through!"

Could not have put it better myself. Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. And let us not neglect meeting together as some are in the habit of doing.

Remember wisdom and grace are the watch words when it comes to criticism.